I'm sorry. Do I know you?
As I look back I've realized that I've had at least five best friends in my life time, all who have come and gone to where I don't have any contact with them at all today. It just seemed the people who I would go through great lengths to call a bf, didn't honor or cherish the friendship the way that I did. A bf doesn't just change their phone number and not let you know, nor do they have major life events happen and not include or invite you.
So far three of my best friends have gotten married and had children which I found out about well after the event had past. If someone you used to consider important in your life is no longer important enough to celebrate your greatest life milestones, what type of friendship do you have?
Last week, I got a Facebook message from a girl that used to be my high school bf. Actually she was the one that was more like a sister to me. During high school we used to hang out all the time. You didn't see me without seeing her. After high school we both went to different colleges in different parts of the country and still managed to remain the best of friends. At one point she was in an abusive relationship that changed her drastically and I told her that anytime she was ready to leave him that I would jump in my car and take the 6 hour drive to help her. She was my girl and I had her back regardless. One faithful day I got the call and I immediately kept my promise. After all this we still remained best friends until her final visit to Washington, DC. Upon her leaving, I called her to make sure that she got back to CT alright and her phone was disconnected. That's cool. It happens to the best of us. But it continued to stay disconnected, and this was so not like her. Come to find out she had changed her number and not bothered to let me know. So I just went on with my life. That was 7 years ago.
Fast forward to the present. I get the Facebook message and almost deleted it because it was from someone that appeared in name to be a stranger to me. Upon further observation, it was my ex-bf with a different name. According to her profile, she had gotten married and had a son. I no longer knew this person. She didn't even look the same.
In the message she proceeds to tell me that her niece has been accepted to the same college I went to in Washington, DC and how she's going to be making frequent trips to the District. Then she proceeds to ask me if I would look out for her niece! Okay, can you smell my bitterness. The bitch in me laughed and said, "Yeah fucking right! I'm not going to be burned again. Just because your niece is going to be coming to the big bad city now you want to enlist people you were once close too. I think its time to find some new guineas."
I didn't reply to her email. I ignored her as if she didn't exist. The same way she did me. Funny how some people don't get the message because she messaged me again this time stating how its been so long since we've spoken or hung out and how much she loves and misses me, blah blah blah. I could feel her lips reaching for my ass through the message. I haven't seen nor heard from this bitch in years. She proceeds to tell me what her summer is going to be looking like in order to make that happen. Frankly, I don't give a shit because I'm not holding my breath or rearranging my schedule to meet any of it. It just isn't going to happen.
I honestly don't know this person anymore. She is not a friend of mine and I seriously lend the question, "I'm sorry. Do I know you?" Am I holding a rightful grudge or should I just get over it?
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8 soul seekers:
Totally feel you, sista. Some people become the best of friends at one point in their lives. At the snap of a finger, it's like you don't know each other anymore. That's what's odd about it. I had a best friend in high school for about three years. Did everything together. But now, he's got a kid and we don't even talk. But that's the great thing, you find a new friend that complements you with where you are in life. It's sad in a way, but you'll get over. And about your ex-bf, as G. Lopez put it,"fuck that puto!"
(read the whole comment. i sound clueless at first)
hay i agree with the above person.
look i'm in a similar situation where i have a best friend who i have been friends with since we were like three. but the worst part is that we seem to be drifting apart even though we still stay in the same area and live like 10 minutes away. i think we out grow our friends. the older we get we change and our needs become diffrent. what you may have had in common with someone changes and there is nothin you can do to stop it. this friend of mine dosnt include me in her things anymore - i am like the last person to find out stuff about her.
a while back i gave it some deep thought and i decided that well its not fare that i get upset at the fact that she is becoming her own person. i would hate it if someone got angry with me for having my own way and believing in diffrent things from them just because its not the same as them any more. BUT WAIT!... dont get me wrong sista...
someone who cuts me off just because they think i'm not worthy anymore and shows their ungrateful ass again just because they need something - now thats a no need analizing situation. they should loose my numbers just as they did before and walk away fast before i throw them back into the hole they crawled out from. their aint no two way about it. when it comes to your ex bf - i would have acted just like you did. the cheek
First let me say that I found your blog through Blog Catalog and really like it; you have a unique voice and you use it instead of repeating things other people have said. I gotta respect that! Now, as to this post ... I would have to say you've a RIGHT to be bitter, but more importantly you have the right to NOT be taken advantage of! For me, personally, I've found it better to allow those feelings of anger, resentment and hurt (yes, what this gal did was hurtful whether the abandonment of your friendship was purposeful or not). I acknowledge these negative emotions for a short time, then release them before they fester; people are the way they are, I tell myself. Then, before I decide what the relationship will be moving forward, I figure out how I want to look back on this when I'm 80 and all shriveled! What will leave me with no regrets? Will I be resentful because I caved in to something I really didn't want to do? Or will I have missed the chance to renew a relationship with someone who mattered? Anyway, that's my two cents worth ... now on to check out a few more of your posts!
I wouldn't respond to her either! That is ridiculous! I would actually go and block her from messaging you.
I don't know, maybe if you talk to her about your feelings, let her know how you were hurt by her.
i think your actions were/are totally justified. people grow apart - yes? but that doesn't mean they can't be civil about it. that doesn't mean they just change their number and never call you again. i grew apart from a friend recently and yes - it is hard...especially when, like you, you've been so close for so long and then it's over. no explanation. no nothing. so i know how you feel all to well (though i assume his number hasn't changed - we just dont talk at all). i would continue to ignore her or probably respond with an email that is civil but lets her know that what ever it is she is trying to do is NOT going to work.
TMM: I said that about her a long time ago.
Rubby: I'm just like you. I'm tired of giving people the time of day who don't appreciate it.
Brenda: Thanks so much. Its all from heart. As for the ex-bf, she's history.
SavingDiva: I so blocked her. She's no friend of mine. Facebook is actually reserved for friends.
Wonder Man: I thought about that, but its not worth my time.
kay*: I really think she's full of it.
1st off, I like your blog. 2nd, you may be holding a grudge, but as far as letting this ex-friend back in? Why bother? I ocassionally look back over the years and think of all the time I've wasted chasing around after people (in the name of friendship) that weren't worth a damn in the first place. I could've used that time bettering myself or building real friendships with other people, or anything. The thing about friendship is that it's a two-way street and you can't drive down the street from both directions at the same time. Last fall my best friend was a no-show at my wedding even though he was in the party...no explanation...no follow up with me...no nothing, like I was an ugly girl or something. I was beyond bitter, but then I thought about how our friendship had been in decline for the last few years and how I was putting in so much more work to maintain it and I got over all of it real fast. When people ask me about him I ask, "Who?" and the subject is dropped. People decide who they want to be in your life. My friend chose where he wanted to be...outside of my life. Although I think your ex-friend's bad relationship played a part in her disappearance, she chose to not keep the lines open with you. So feel the way you do, but don't lose any sleep over it.
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